'We'll Get There Eventually' | Hello 2021 and Lockdown 3

13 January 2021

Happy new year everyone! I know we are practically half way through January but this is my first blog post of the year, better late than never. 

It kind of feels wrong saying it though. I'm normally such a positive person, I get so excited for new year and create goals to achieve but currently, this year doesn't feel any different to the last. As much as we all would have jumped for joy, the clock struck midnight and sadly the world wasn't back to 'normal'. 

Already before the new year I was seeing people either raring to go and so excited for a fresh start but then on the other hand, there were the same amount of people that were resentful to make any plans for the new year and feeling just generally 'meh'. I was in that category.

Feeling apprehensive also because of the thought of having to do remote learning for the first two weeks back at school didn't make things any easier. And being in tier 4! 

Then lockdown hit. And I found out I'd be learning remotely for a lot longer.

I think it was something we all saw coming but it was still a massive shock (definitely the right thing to have happened!). The memories of last march came flooding back. I had major deja vu! 

In my opinion and speaking to a lot of people, the lockdown definitely feels worse this time. The mix of winter and dark evenings is not my favourite time of year anyway, and now not even being able to leave your house. 

I suppose I just wanted to ask if you were okay? I didn't want to make all of this post negative as that is not what anyone wants to read but it's also important to know that it's okay to not be okay, especially in these times. 

I'm a bit up and down at the moment which is completely normal. I'm so glad I have the focus of school but sometimes that makes things more stressful as you have to be 'on the ball' and productive every day otherwise you'll fall behind. And some days I just want to do nothing which is hard when you have lessons at 9am! 

The first lockdown was so different for me as I had nothing to do, a few weeks of work to do at the start and then nothing. So I had so much time on my hands and I could do whatever I liked. I really embraced the freedom and looking back on it now, I learnt so much and wouldn't change anything. 

This time is a little different! 

Remote learning is quite difficult for me as it's so different from being at Sixth Form with your friends and in a learning environment, sometimes it gets very lonely sitting at my desk in my bedroom or at the dining room table and I'm the type of person that thrives off being around other people. Especially creativity wise, trying to do practical photography at home is just not the same! But I know I'm not alone in this and a lot of people feel like I do. 

And online lessons are very scary. I don't like them at all because for some reason I become nervous to speak over Teams, whereas when I'm in school, I'm the opposite! We are only in  week 2 though so hopefully it will get better. 

Because we've already been through it before, we know what it's like but I suppose that makes it even harder. We already know the dread of everyday feeling the same and the same wondering feeling of what else can we do inside that we haven't done before. 

Putting pressure on ourselves to be productive all the time and create the biggest to-do lists isn't the right way to go about it. It never ends well! (For me anyway!) 

You don't have to be up exercising at the crack of dawn if you don't want to. You don't have to get out of bed if some days you don't feel like it. Or you don't even have to get on the baking trend again if you can't face another banana bread.

At the moment things feel pretty never ending but thank god for the vaccines so we can see the tiniest bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

It's important to take each day as it comes and not get too het up if some days are a complete write off. *note to self*

Some days will be good and some days will be bad. Lockdown life, eh?

Who knows what this year will hold. We're only 13 days into it (has it really only been 13 days?) and quite a lot has happened in such a short space of time that's overwhelming for anyone, whether you're the 'productive and act like everything's okay' type or not. But hopefully we'll get there and I just can't wait for the moment where I can squeeze everyone I know for a little too long.

So I'm sending so much love to you all and I hope that you're okay. 

I'll be back with much more cheerier posts soon! 

Bethan xx

Post a Comment

Latest Instagrams

© Bethan May. Design by Saroya.