When I think back to March (when it got dark around 6pm?!) when I found out exams were cancelled, that seems like a lifetime ago. And by the way, I didn't really deal with that news very well. I was seriously gutted and being real here, I think I cried for practically the whole evening. I think it just came as such a big shock that I had two more days of high school and that was it. For as long as I can remember, I've thought about the time I would sit my GCSE's and have the best long Summer. Especially after seeing my sisters go through it too.
No exams, no prom or that 'end of school' feeling. And there was such a low 'vibe' (if you will) in school on the last two days as you had no idea when would be the next time you would see everyone. It wasn't something you could get excited about either as you normally would for the end of school as you knew it was because the world was going through a global pandemic.
Thankfully I worked so hard throughout the year and managed to get good grades in my mock exams. But that's not going to stop me from still being terrified for results day haha.
I finished school on the Friday (spending most of the day signing shirts) and then on the Monday we went into complete lockdown for what we thought was only going to be three weeks. Like many people, it took me a while to adjust to the 'new normal'. It just felt like groundhog day! At this point, I don't think I realised how big scale it was. I had no idea anything like this could happen, which is obviously very naive of me to not know.
The first week was a bit of novelty, I was still trying to do school work to focus on something but I didn't feel motivated at all. We really utilised our one hour of exercise and walked up to the fields near our house almost every evening. (This slowly stopped as we got bored of it haha.)
I remember waking up on a Monday morning a few weeks into lockdown and just feeling so 'meh'. I was moping around the house, I had no energy and wanted to know when everything would be better again. I am never usually like this. I am normally very positive and a little motivator but this day was different. I kept reminding myself that it was okay to feel a bit down about the current situation. That afternoon, I put on High School Musical, went on a walk and ended up feeling a lot better. It is important for me to note that on days like these in lockdown I reminded myself of how lucky I am to have good health in myself and my family, a roof over my head, clothes and food to eat because a lot of people have it much worse than me.
One of my favourite times of the week was the 8pm clap on a Thursday for the NHS and key workers. It was so lovely to see neighbours on our street and celebrate millions of people's hard work and support in those really uncertain times. It was so emotional to see everyone come together.
The weeks passed, sometimes slow and sometimes quick, and the over-ripe bananas were turned into banana bread about once a week. And we were so lucky with the weather! Being able to be out in our garden was something that I will never take for granted.
At this point, I started 'Couch to 5k' again (post about this coming soon!) which was probably one of the best things I could have done. It gave me another focus and some time out where I wasn't on my phone and I could escape for a bit.
You may be able to see from the collage of photos, that we attended a 'Black Lives Matter' protest back in June. I can't think of words to describe how amazing, powerful and thought provoking it was. It is something that I feel so strongly about especially being a white person that before this, didn't recognise their white privilege as much as they should have done.
I think one of the biggest things for me was trying to keep myself busy. I like a plan and I'm always up to do something so not being able to go anywhere was different for me. I made a conscious effort to make a daily to-do list but also some time out for me to do something that I enjoyed.
I definitely want to talk about this in more detail another time but for me (and I think many other people), it was more about enjoying the little things. I loved going outside and having my breakfast in the morning, facetimes with my friends and family, going on walks, spending quality time with my family and eating dinner outside even if it's pouring with rain. I don't think I've ever been outside so much!
And I captured most of these moments on my disposable camera which I've used throughout lockdown, I can't wait to go to a shop and develop them. It will be so cool in years to come to look back and see what we got up to whilst being at home.
In these times of adversity, I've become so much closer to my friends even through a screen and as a family, we've all pulled each other through. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful people.
I'm not really sure how to end this, I feel like I need some inspirational words haha. There has been no structure to this at all but I hope it made sense and gave a little insight into what I've been up to these past 5 months. Not everything has been easy! It's been a real ride of many different emotions but we've all got through it and somehow come out the other end. We're still in uncertain times and one of the worst things of all, don't know when we can hug people again but we will get there. Proud of us! Sending so much love to everyone. Keep safe.
Bethan xx
(p.s all the photos shown in this post are from lockdown, some of my favourite moments, not everything looked like this!)
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